Self Reflection

I was pretty hurt when I typed my last post and I read all the comments so far. I was really disappointed in myself. Last week I was suppose to go back to my specialist and I didn't. I told myself there was no need because I knew I was a couple of pounds up from the last time I saw her in March. This week was almost the same thing. I have spent years developing this hard exterior to cover up my real feelings and I believe it is starting to crack. As I was driving to her office yesterday, I thought to myself, "Do I believe I deserve this?" Although I would want to say yes, I really wasn't sure. I think I honestly believe I deserve a lot of things but because they haven't happened then I assume it is because I am not deserving. But, enough of that.

I weighed in. Here is how I compared to my first visit with her in January. I am down 8.4 lbs. in weight, 5.8 in fat%, my fat mass has decreased 16.6 lbs, and my fat free mass (muscle) has actually increased 8.2 lbs. I haven't been doing the diet the entire time. I even had quite a break waiting for the challenge to begin. So for people that think you lose muscle, you don't. In fact, I gained some.

I'll leave it at that today. I will post some mroe about the rest of our conversation tomorrow. I try to keep up with everyone's posts and usually never get to post my own after reading a commenting. Plus I am going out of the country next week and need to do some preparation.

I know once I get through the mental part of it, the physical will be easy.