A Small Vent

On Tuesday my great uncle passed away. He would have been 89 in June. I am happy he is at peace but his death brought some really bad emotions from within myself. He definitely set an example because I never saw him talk bad about people or do them wrong despite how others treated him. That's definitely a gift in my opinion. To make a long story short, he had relatives but none of them ever seemed to bother. I thought of him more like an uncle because he was there for the holidays. While every one is used to having a big family dinner on holidays they are foreign to me. I can't remember the last time I sat down and had dinner together. It's strange but reality to me.

For the past few weeks, I have been battling why others don't treat me as I deserve. I've looked inside myself to figure out what may be wrong with me but I am coming up empty handed. I heart aches deeply and just going on the next day feeling partially empty never helps. My weight is a struggle but deep down I question whether or not I think I deserve it. As weird as it sounds, I just think I deserve a lot of things but never get them.

This is something I said I needed to say out loud because I hide the truth. I pretend it's a small thing bothering me when it is much deeper. Some people have asked me how I'm doing and I have been fine. I think I am so use to losing people in my life that I expect it. I long to feel something different.

If anyone does know of any sites with positive affirmations, I need them. Thanks.

Oh My!

I didn't realize it had been over a month since I posted. Anyway, I have my HCG supplies but am not following HCG at the moment. I am taking a different approach to dieting. I know I can do this. I am successful at all the other measures of my life. So, I'm going to put my eating plan together with meals and focus on that. It may help with it including a shorter period of time. I can tell myself to do the diet day by day but I can't seem to focus like I need to. In general, I can't seem to focus on things anymore and don't know if it's health related. In fact, I've been dreading going back to my eye specialist so he won't mention my weight.

Time to go and visit positive affirmation sites.