Walking

I am at least happy to say that I am walking at least 4 days a week. I weigh in on a weekly basis and had a loss this week. I know it helped. My coworker asked me to go walking a couple of weeks ago so it gives me some sort of company.

I was writing a quick note. It is 3:30am and since I was off yesterday and did absolutely nothing I am wide awake now. I'm watching a preview of contestants for this new weight loss show on Oxygen called Dance Your A** Off. It comes on Monday.

Free Me

If I had to tell the truth, I feel like a prisoner in my own life. Right now, nothing makes sense and everything is making me so mad. I'm seeking for something that I have no idea where to find. I'm running from a fear that I can't explain. This week I just kept hearing all of the things people have ever said. When it came to weight, folks always say you must not be fat enough or you must not want to lose weight, especially when it has dealt with this protocol. Nothing is ever that simple. Do you tell a sick person? You just don't want to get well enough and that's why you are sick. I feel tortured right now if I could just be transparent right now. I appreciate all the things I have but don't think I ever asked for them. I give so much and don't expect anything in return and that is exactly what I feel I have received - nothing. I keep waiting for all these great things to happen, to feel appreciated, and loved - but nothing. I can't help but to think it is me. Being independent feels like a blessing and a curse. All I have to depend on is myself. Who am I fighting for? If no one else sees my worth, then why am I fighting so hard?

I'm sure I will be fine in a day or so but I am feeling really down. I could just cry but what good will it do. When I finish the situation would feel the same. I really need to find peace soon.

Thanks for reading.

No Excuses

Today is going so far so good. I am concentrating hard on following the protocol and sticking to it as best as I can. Any slip ups, and I will just pick it back up the next second. I need a change in my life.