Can't Wait for My Shipment

I received an email last week stating that my order was shipped. I can't wait to receive it. I've been off of HCG for about 3-4 weeks now and can feel the difference. I'm back to feeling like I can barely stay awake. I woke up this morning about 8:45 am and was back to sleep about 11am. Woke up after 1 and feel like going back to bed. I want the energy back. When I was doing HCG I could get up at 8 and not want to sleep until it was time to go to bed. I think this "lethargic" feeling is being caused by things I eat too. I had toast this morning. I think bread has that effect on me. I was so bad in the past that I would have to go to my car to take a 15 minute nap. I was dozing at my desk at work.

I did manage to watch this show on TLC called "I Can Make You Thin." Some of the techniques actually made sense to me. He suggested people take a bite of food and then put down the knife and fork. Savor the food and chew it slowly. When you "inhale" the food you miss the signal that you are full. I am determined to break my bad relationship with food. After so many years I can't expect to get rid of it overnight. The next segment of the show is emotional eating. I already taped it and would watch it if I could keep my eyes open.

Medical Issue

I told everyone a lot about myself but didn't mention my health issue. I was already long enough so I figured I would save it for another post. Back in 1995 I was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerbri (intracranial hypertension). It mimics a tumor but isn't one and is an increase of pressure of the fluid surrounding the brain and spinal cord. The first time I was diagnosed with it, I had terrible headaches mostly several times a week. I didn't think too much of it because I didn't know how often a headache becomes too much. They caught it through a routine eye exam and noticed I had swelling in my optic nerves. That led to a spinal tap (lumbar puncture) which isn't pleasant. They insert a long needle into the base of your spine and draw the fluid. It's done for testing. After that the headaches were gone.

A few years ago I went to the doctor complaining that I kept hearing this "whishing" noise in my right ear. He looked and said well there is nothing in there. He sent me on my way. I was trying ear wax removal, etc. thinking that would solve it. Nothing. Finally, I was referred to an Ear, Nose, & Throat doctor. With all his testing, he found nothing either. My hearing was also fine. Finally, I went to an opthamologist to get my eyes tested. I had Lasik surgery in 2006 and they told me I had thin retinas. I had begged for a referral before but unless you are holding your eye in your hand or suddenly go blind that is impossible. Well, my retinas were thin and they found a few tears. They didn't affect my vision but they found the swollen optic nerves again. This ultimately led me back to the pseudotumor cerbri condition. I probably never got rid of it but it went undetected due to the health care system. This is why I had the noise in my ear. This time I haven't had any headaches and both times I was told I really need to lose weight. In October 2007, I had the lumbar puncture again. It was the worst. I laid down afterwards which is highly recommended. This time I had a headache that lasted about a week. No medicine can cope with it. I finally found some Excedrin with caffeine that helped but could barely sit up without my head throbbing. At one point it felt like my head was going to roll off my neck from the neck pain. I never felt so helpless in my life. I can't imagine not being able to move so I don't want to take it for granted.

The noise in my ear isn't daily but it is annoying. I'm hoping to shed pounds and shed the noise. I see my specialist in May and he is hoping I will have shed 10 pounds. I'm well on my way with the HCG. I last visited him in February and have lost weight since then.

So Excited!

To start off with the good news. I went to my interview yesterday and was offered the position. I don't know when I start but I'm so excited I can barely sleep. My lesson learned out of the experience was to not give up. Even when things aren't going as planned. The other job was an opportunity but this one is actually where I've been wishing to go. So sure I have tried many tactics to lose weight but maybe this is the one I was chosen for because I will succeed. Even with being off the HCG, I have not gained the weight back. It's a miracle because I have been eating nearly everything that isn't on the protocol. Maybe it isn't as much as I would have eaten. This job is perfect timing too because I definitely am an emotional eater. Maybe I won't be as stressed and will have something new to learn so food will be the furthest thing from my mind.

My Experience with HCG

I went to a health workshop at work. I always attend hoping I would hear some new information. It's funny because I had already complained to my doctor and asked if she could prescribe me an appetite suppressant so maybe I wouldn't eat so much. She told me to show her a food diary for one week. Well I had already told her I could eat a frozen low cal meal and still be so hungry afterwards that I would end up eating more than I would normally. So what good would that do? I said okay but had no intentions on following up with that one. Anyway, at the workshop the lady was talking about how you can have food sensitivities that can stall your weight loss, fatigueness...she was talking to me. I tried to get my doctor to write a letter to the health insurance company so they could pay for me to see her. There was no way I was spending $10 a visit to talk about a food pyramid. I have enough of those in stock. She finally wrote the letter (months later) and the insurance said I would have to do so many steps before they approved me for gastric bypass. No one ever mentioned that!

In January I called the same specialist because I was sure you could give me specialized help. She sent me to the lab for blood work and I met with her a week later. My Vitamin D levels were extremely low and she found I had a problem with yeast. Many people on HCG also do a candida cleanse to get rid of the problem. Yeast can cause you to crave starches and sugars. She also introduced me to HCG. I used it for about a month and then was approved for this challenge. When I first started it, I was 224. One week alone I lost 7 lbs then I started cheating so much I couldn't get back on track. I'm using this time period to focus. I had my last injection about 2-3 weeks ago and to my surprise I am still losing. This morning I was at 209. I am shocked. I've lost 15 lbs. since the beginning of the year. Although I haven't been on it that long, I can't remember ever losing that much. This is the best drug. I want my own infomercial. You won't lose muscle mass (mine was checked and never decreased...only fat is lost). Plus, my energy level increased significantly. It is the first time in years I don't have to take a nap during the day and still wake up tired.

As many people have said, the Yahoo Groups are extremely helpful. They have recipes, etc. The recipes are extremely helpful so you won't get bored. You can also ask them questions.

Frustrated & Upset

I'm not sure which of my emotions is winning today between frustrated and upset. I was in a pretty pleasant mood when I woke up. I got dressed and said my waist has to be smaller because I can see down in my pants. Plus I brought a size 18 jacket and was worried I might have to leave it unbuttoned but I didn't. I felt empowered as I left out the door. I guess I have to mention I also had an interview this morning with 3 managers. I thought to myself one has to beleive in me and give me a chance. I get through the interview and by afternoon I was told my grade level and experience just didn't match. At least that is how I took it. I'm sure there is something positive out of the situation but I feel shattered. It feels like rejection although that probably was not the intention. So now I have to struggle with my weight and with work experience. I know it will get better, both will. I just need to vent a little and move on.

It just makes me more thankful. So many diet challenges passed me by but this one gave me the opportunity. Maybe since there will be others watching, it will make it easier for me to succeed. I'm destined to make this a life changing experience.

My New Self

I think this blog will be very helpful to me. I can just sit at my computer, vent, or just share my personal thoughts. I'm determined I'm not buying anything new. I can just think about last summer when I was mostly wearing pants. I have known people who have done it before but never thought it would be me. I almost stopped wearing skirts. There is nothing I should be ashamed about, but for some reason I am. Some people think I am crazy because they don't see what I do. I always say it really just depends on the person. I can't expect someone to feel comfortable about me when I don't.

My first goal is to get into some sleeveless and feel good about it. I was proud of myself today. One of my biggest challenges is being out a lot. I was hungry while I was out but did not stop past any fast food places. I said I'm not that far from home and have plenty I could heat up. I was starving by the time I came inside but I did not stop for the fries or junk. I have learned eating that kind of food makes me extremely tired. Who wants to sleep their life away?

Why I Want to Lose Weight?

Since I always remember being overweight, I have pretty much always felt uncomfortable. Most overweight children have the hardest time when they are in school. I always remember being made fun of although when I see bullies now I didn't have it that bad. By the time I made it to high school I would never go to lunch. I always felt that everyone was looking at me because of my weight. That mentality has carried me into adulthood. I pretty much hate large crowds. It could always be worse but I always think people are looking at me and monitoring how much I may put on my plate. I remember a few years ago I was coming back from a fire drill at work and some people took the elevator. This one smaller woman said something to the effects of that is why they can't lose weight. I have no idea why people think we choose to be overweight. If I had to choose anything, it definitely wouldn't want to be overweight. Besides being more at risk for diseases, you almost lose yourself and your self-esteem. My personal challenge is getting it all back.

Introduction

I am 30 years old, single, an old child, and I have no children. To say I have been a computer programmer for the past 8 years, I have seen and heard of blogs but this is quite new to me. I live on the East Coast and always have but have traveled some since I realize there are many places to visit.

Basically, I have always been overweight. I honestly can’t remember being anything else. There is an Easter picture of me when I skinny but I know I had to be about 5 or 6. At 30, that doesn’t seem to count.

I have tried various weight loss programs. I have always refused to join certain groups like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. I have nothing against them but felt I couldn’t eat prepackaged food forever. I briefly tried Slimfast, Dexatrim, Green Tea pills, and no telling what else. A few years ago I tried another diet where I diet one day and eat whatever I want the next. Well when you are going to old habits every other day it is very hard to break them. Then there are the diet programs. Last year, I signed up to participate in this weight loss contest. They only selected 4 people and I was not chosen. I almost felt like this was my last hope. I definitely wasn’t doing it on my own. Then there was the Discovery Health Challenge and the 50 Million Pound Challenge. I soon stopped logging on because I was slowly gaining.

Finally, last year I went to a workshop at work and met a doctor. Just the week I was in the doctor’s office and she was telling me I needed to lose weight. She says this all the time regardless of why I was visiting her. I told her I eat certain things and feel like I get really tired. Other things leave me hungry. I plan to go to the gym but always need to take a nap. Then I added I was sleeping all day long when not at work. I asked for an appetite suppressant and she told me to bring in my food journal. I cancelled that follow up appointment. I knew she would look at it and point out all the bad things I was eating but I told her why. I felt that no one was listening. Now back to the doctor.

The doctor started talking about food sensitivities and how it can make you tired and even make it hard for you to lose weight. Of course, I emailed her after the workshop. I called my insurance and they basically wouldn’t cover it because they have nutritionalist. I have so many food pyramids already and being overweight for so long proves that it is not working for me. They did give me the option of my doctor writing a letter for me and submitting it to the insurance company stating that the doctor’s services are not offered anywhere in their network. I wrote a 2-page heartfelt letter to my doctor stating this and providing her with the doctor’s details. This was in August. In October, I was still asking her about the letter. November it was sent to insurance company (finally) and by December the insurance company denied my coverage for gastric bypass. Where gastric bypass came in? I have no idea. Like I said, no one was listening. They gave a long list of things I had to do to get approval for the bypass surgery. I tore the letter up and switched health insurance companies. What I have learned? Invest in yourself, 9 times out of 10, the health insurance company won’t.

Why the Challenge?

I really need to focus on myself. I've been overweight my entire life and really want to live in the new me. My weight has held me back (mostly I have myself to blame). It's hard to be comfortable around others when you aren't comfortable around yourself. I'm still young so there is plenty of time to life life to its fullest. I no longer want to be held back from food. No longer cover my arms thinking they are too big. I want to wear a tank top too. Overall, I have had weight issues for so long that I want to inspire others. If I can do it, they can too!

Current Stats

Weight: 216
Body Fat: 38%