Vent Session 5/31/09

I might as well date these because I'm sure I will need much more venting later. I went away for the weekend and was ready to take a nice relaxing bath. The bath was relaxing but goodness they had too many mirrors. I was basically able to see myself in 360 degrees. As funny as it sounds, I convinced myself that I didn’t look as big as I was but that isn’t what the mirrors said. Then I head down to the spa for a facial and manicure. I put on the one size fit all robe and it didn’t fit of course. I asked if they had bigger robes and nope. That was all they had. I basically just threw the robe on top of my clothes. I figured if I even removed my shirt, I would be flashing someone. I wanted to laugh on the outside but cry on the inside. I am trying to find happiness anywhere I can and it’s not inside my body.

Take care everyone. I need to go think about something else.

Better Days

I'm not sure why but my days are brighter. I'm learning to eliminate the crap. I know my worth and needed to be treated accordingly. That's my new standards. I can't get mad at my past because I lowered those standards. Now all this positive energy needs to come with me in the weight loss.

Now someone please tell me HCG can be done with a social life. I think having things to do is picking up my spirits and the only way I think I can do the process for full term is to eliminate these events. I have a cookout here and there and know I don't need to eat like a buffet but I also don't want to sit there looking at everyone else. It just isn't realistic to me. I've never been good with dealing with anything other than facts.

What's Bothering Me?

I have no idea what is going on with me today. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears but have no reason why. I just felt a need to type this to get it off my mind in hopes that I would feel better. Maybe I am tired of having to be so independent. I want to be at a point of rest and peace. I'm completely not happy with myself and my life is not where I want it. if only, I could just move the marker to a different time period. I deserve so much more but seem to only get less.

That is my vent for today. Time to breathe.